Letting Go

i'll admit, i have trust issues. most of us in high school do. can you really trust the people you call your friends? i find my self asking this question whenever i open up to people. i used to trust everybody, i didn't feel the need to hold back. but i made the mistake of putting my trust in people who seemed kind to me and wound up getting hurt. depending on someone else for your safety is hard. i didn't like not knowing who was guiding me across the stage. i felt the need to tear off my blindfold and demand to know who grabbed my arm. i thought that by the end of the running across the stage blindfold exercise id be sick, but i was mistaken. i slowly began to smile, and by the end i was the one running. i had a lot of fun. 

it was much easier when we were paired up. i no longer had a stranger guiding me. even though i didn't really know doug as a person, at least i knew who would be guiding me around the school. 

waking around the community center blindfolded is an experience ill never forget. all of my other senses sharpened. i wanted to feel, touch and smell everything. i wanted to soak the musty old center all in. i wanted to use what i had left because i couldn't see. 

i thought that the blindfold served to block my sense of sight. along with not being able to speak i though that i will lose connection, to the world and to the people around me. i guess thats why i though that feeling, hearing and smelling were so precious to me. but i was wrong. i tried relaxing and found it to be quite rewarding. i tried to not think about soaking everything in and to simply go along with whatever doug wanted me to touch, smell or hear. its when i let go of trying to control what i took in that i realized that i trusted him. in a weird way the blindfold didn't serve as a restriction, but opened me up to the world a little more. the community center became a new vast and interesting thing for me to explore. this became clearer when i became the leader. i recognized some of the places that i was led to, but they were completely different.  it was like revisiting a place you used to go to as a child. you remember it being so grand and astonishing in your memories. but when you go back to it , it becomes smaller, blander, disappointing.