I had an interesting day today. I don't think i have ever had a day where i experienced every emotional possible. Im not talking about confusion. Confusion is when you don't know what to feel and your emotions are jumbled together all at once. Thats not what happened. Today i went from extremely happy to extremely depressed and then extremely terrified to extremely relived within minutes. And this happened on a loop... ALL DAY. See, today was the day that my grandfather was  going in for serious surgery. A real life or death situation.  Of course since im still a "kid" i had no idea that this was going on. so naturally i acted the way i usually act, completely unaware that the sentence, "Hurry up in there Eva, I'll die waiting for you", will cost me. 

I'll be joking with my mom one minute and the next we'll be arguing because i did not hold the food we were bringing to my grandmother properly in the car. My dad would put his arm around me and then suddenly give me the cold shoulder because I wanted to take my time eating but nooo, "Life is short". I truly believed the whole world was on it's time of month. It was like i was plucked out of my world and thrown into an alternate universe. It was when we drove up to the hospital that i realized what was going on, but even then i still felt like it was all a dream. I never realized how much my feelings are so interconnected with the people and environment around me. i was oblivious to the seriousness of the situation and yet i was acting bipolar like everyone else. Now, im going to bed with no feelings left in me. i think you can only feel so much before you cant feel anything at all.