Me so far

What did you learn in STAC so far? At first I thought what a simple question. I learned about color theory, film making, improve, a bit of photography and a whole lot of art and theater stuff. But like usual my first thought was wrong. I realized that I learned so much more than the facts. I learned a lot about myself, and I think that that is the most important thing STAC has done for me. I know that this sounds cheesy and generic but it’s the truth.

I am always saying “I was wrong” and “I realized later that...”, as you can see in my blogs. Part of the reason I change my mind about my opinions so often isn’t because I’m indecisive (actually that’s a whole other topic) or insecure about my first answer, but it’s because of STAC. I change my mind because I find new ways to look at things, like the question I am answering. I think differently now. I still think like me but the way I think is different. I think more, my brain gets caught up in analyzing and figuring things out. Nothing is simple or common any more. A color isn’t just a color but suddenly becomes a feeling and state of being. The trees aren’t brown, they are purple and green and blue. A photograph isn’t something pretty to look at but a way to pull certain emotions out from where it’s buried inside you. My mind works in strange ways now. I am beginning to notice a world I’m not familiar with and it’s scary. I didn’t think that I could change so much in just two short months, but still I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I feel bad for the people who make fun of STAC as being a cult or some group of weirdos. They don’t know how to make the most of their life and live by the unwritten rules of normalcy. I realized that first day of STAC that I am not normal. A friend pointed it out to me actually. Sometimes I say exactly what is one my mind and I’ll act exactly the way I feel like when I feel like it (hard to believe since I seem so shy in class right). Other than that I can’t exactly point out why I feel this way but I know that I don’t think like other people. I’m not saying that everyone thinks the same, because they don’t, but I am saying that the majority of people hold themselves back from being different like it’s a crime. STAC let me know that it’s my right, no, my privilege to act and think the way I feel like. I am not normal because there is no normal and I’m not afraid to show it. Ignore the fact that this paper is beginning to sound like a self help speech and realize with me that STAC is helping me uncover the little me inside that is disguised in the high school need to be normal.

Everyone is so free in class. I can describe everyone so easily and that not something I can do in a “normal” class because they all blend together like one person. STAC is full of individuality and I love that. I can be myself, which is difficult for me to explain. I’ve done what I can to translate my jumbled brain into words on this paper. STAC is another big step in “discovering who I am”, as they say.