me again

I thought I didn’t know myself.  I sometimes act like a teenager and yell, "you don’t understand me" at my mother when I"m angry. I say that thinking to myself that I don’t know who I am either. But today I found out that although I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and I haven’t quite figured out what I do that hold me back, I know myself more than I ever thought possible at my age. The three core values and issues not only define me as an artist but as a person as a whole.

 Core Values 

Individuality-

For me individuality is having control over whom I am and the decisions that I make in my life. I want be exactly who I want to be even if I don’t know who I want to be. I want to have the freedom to decide whether or not I want to be or do something. I am having problems with my father in that he goes against everything that makes me happy. I feel like imp losing myself because I'm not allowed to decide on what I want to do. I don’t even have the change to try new things in order to figure out what I like. So, having the control to be myself is very important to me. When I act I get the change to take control of the character in a way. Even if I get lost in the character I’m still the one that ultimately makes all the decisions. Mhh I guess this one turned out to be more like Control. Thanks Nina, you were right.

 

Change-

I absolutely hate it when things are constant and the same. I hate structure. I need things to be different and new. I make a commitment to myself to rearrange the furniture in my room at least once a month. I also tend to change interests a lot. I don’t like conforming to society and I try to be as different as possible. I usually make a fool out of myself, but I will rather make a fool out of my self then be like everyone else. It’s so much more fun. In art I like experimenting with different ways of expression. That’s why I love STAC so much. In STAC I can be as unique as I want to be and I can explore the arts in so many different ways.

 

Emotion-

It’s not so much the actual feelings themselves but what triggers them. I was always fascinated by dreams because they can uncover what’s really causing you to feel a certain way. Movies do the same thing. When you watch a really good movie, you can always figure out what’s bothering you in your really life based on the emotional situation that the characters are in. its almost like the need we all have within us to express ourselves that artist sustain by creating and non-artist sustain by experiencing other peoples art.

 

Issues

 

Change-

This issue is the same as one of my core values because I think that change is something that I just need, but also something that can hold me back. Either way change shows up not in the actual outcome of something artistic, but in the process of creating art. Very often when I draw, I start out with a very clear image in my head. I usually end up about two thirds of the way done before I lose inspiration, get bored of it and something better comes along. I then spend the last few hours erasing the drawing completely and starting with something new. The original drawing is what inspired the second one, which to me can stay in my head long enough for me to complete before I feel like I need to change again.

 

Language/communication-

I grew up with two immigrant parents who were still at he begining steps of learning English when I was born. So when I went to school I knew one-third English, one-third Spanish and one-third Greek and spoke them all at the same time. I kind of spoke like this, “ mami moo por favor give me un baso de gala” (mom, can you please give me a glass of milk). I was put into ESL through out elementary school, and I still have a bit of a mixed accent today. When growing up I was always embarrassed of the way I spoke and subsequently didn’t speak much. I was the quiet girl in the back of the class. I think that it really shows now when I act, I tent to always pick a character with an accent while doing improv. I also like art because it’s a different way of communicating.