Expressionism

Expressionism is raw. It striped away all formality people were used to in art. Key was no longer important in music, movement in dance, plot and character development in theater, beauty in poetry. Expressionism is sound, visuals and emotion in it's simplest form. So simple that it becomes complex. Every dance step, every plot point, and every note is drawn out and repeated. What you feel becomes more important than what is there. Expressionism undresses the disguises and symbolism in art. Anger is anger, angst is angst. The nakedness of the art becomes uncomfortable.There is no beating around the bush, no ideas to talk around. Everything is out there in the open, exposed and ugly. Expressionism is gothic and horrific.

Today, I kept thinking back to my first acting class when I was a freshmen. I compared everything. While acting and the method by which I am taught acting has stayed the same, acting is completely different to me now. I am a different actress. I remember hearing most of what Luke said today four years ago, but I heard it differently this time. Now I understand. I used to try to "act" like I understood, make myself believe I was getting it. I wasn't. There's a difference between acting or pretending and actually feeling and thinking. Viviana asked me how you can feel and think in a scene where the circumstances are so far away from what you usually feel and think. How can you act like a grieving mother if you've never had kids? I didn't have a good answer for her then. Now, I think that you wont be able to imagine that your child has died if you don't have a child to imagine dead and faking it wouldn't work either. A bad actor would picture his/her imaginary child dead and show the audience their pretend grief. I think that you have to go by the basic emotion, not what the plot says happened. A dead child is simply grief and I could easily imagine losing my little sister. I don't know if I'm moving in the right direction here. I'm curious to see what Luke's answer was.

Web

Oops writing that last post almost made me forget about writing about the Stac wall. It was different from what I pictured in my head, but I expected it to be different so maybe it was exactly what I pictured in my head. Initially I pictured it as if one person created it uniformly, spaced out evenly like factory made wallpaper. But I soon realized that since a group of 36 individuals were going to be creating it, it would look like the product of 36 different personalities, and so I stopped trying to picture what it would look like at the end. It was interesting to see how someone's handwriting shows how they are as a person. The quiet people in the class had smaller handwriting and small spaces in between words while the more outgoing ones had bigger bolder and more spaced out writing. Organized straight lines for organized focused people. A web of crossed over lines represented those who are unpredictable and all over the place. Some webs kept to themselves as did their owners, while others branched out and connected like the relationship between those who created them. The few words we used seem to sum up our entire lives. It is beautiful in a very simple way. I don't know how long that will last.

Cotton Mouth

Not having a budget sucks. We wont get as many workshops as we used to, we won't be able to buy expensive art supplies or rent out a gallery, we wont have as many guests come in. But I'm more excited for this year than I was for my previous two years. Maybe because it is my last year and I am in more of a leadership position than I have been in before, or maybe it's because my "library" is filling up nicely and I'll be able to do more now that I know more. It's a mixture of the two and probably a lot more. I am really going to take advantage of my independent project this year. Last year I had the experience of working behind the camera for a while, and while I loved that I would like to go back to acting.

As I was writing the previous paragraph my sister who unfortunately for me shares my "office" was loudly banging a battery on her glass desk. I calmly asked her to stop four times before yelling at her. Instead of just stopping the damn banging and letting me do my homework in peace, she slowed down the rate of the banging until they were a good 30 seconds apart. Every time I thought that the banging would stop another one would surprise me. It was like waiting at the doctor's to take a shot and he whips your arm with rubbing alcohol for what seems like an hour. The anticipation of something unpleasant is more unpleasant than what it actually is, and slowing down the rate of the banging proportionately so that I would have to wait for the next one to come was getting me pissed off. I picked up a candle, threatened to throw it at her ( I was never going to) and she finally stopped. Then she asked my for the fifteenth time today if I was sure if Asia is a continent. She is in 6th grade, she knows Asia is a continent. I proceeded to rant. Very reasonably I might add. She got mad because I called her an idiot, pinched me, I pinched her back, she started crying, she ran upstairs to tell mom, and I looked over to her desk to find that the green light on her computer's built in camera was on. She had recorded the whole thing. What does this have to do with STAC? Well, I watched the video to make sure that I could use it as proof that I did nothing wrong incase my mom decides to come downstairs to punish me for the lies my sister told her, and although I gave what I though was history's greatest speech when telling my sister the importance of silence during homework and to grow a brain for not knowing if Asia was a continent, I could not understand a word of it on tape. I know that everybody is uncomfortable when hearing their own voice played back to them, but this was different. I was more than uncomfortable, I was confused. I could not understand the majority of words that I said. It sounded like a drunk Mexican man with cotton balls shoved up his mouth (don't mean to be racist, I have a Mexican accent for some reason). We are going to do independent projects this year. Luke used me as one of the examples when explaining what an independent project could be. He said that since I want to focus on acting this year, my independent project could be on accents. I agree. My accent is not that thick normally, but when I am put on the spot ( ranting, performing a monologue or on stage in general) I sound like ass. I mumble. So this year, my first independent project would be to have clearer and better speech. This could lead to me getting rid of my accent, and maybe even gain some in the process. Plus, I would be learning multiple monologues that will come in handy.

King Lear Workshop 1

On wesnesday I was in the King Lear workshop. I'm exited to be in a workshop that has an end result. We are going to take King Lear and change it into a 5 min abstract piece. This is something I've never done before and I'm going to make the most out of this experience. Before we even begin thought, we have to read King Lear. I'm on Act 4, but I should be done by now. The outside work is annoying but necessary. How are we going to work with a play we've never read?

Dance workshop 1

Today we learned how to do pirouettes. They are not easy, trust me. There is a lot of techniques that goes into doing a simple spin. You have to keep your body completely straight, learn the dance positions and point your toes the right way. I was having a hard time with it until I switched sides. Ah that made all the difference, but I know it isn't good to favor one side. Our workshop leader was explained everything so well and was extremely fun to work with.
We learned how to do pirouettes because they are a need to know for auditions. The workshop leader ( forgot his name, yikes!) explained the process of auditioning for dance and what to expect. Although I'm not going to go on a dance audition anytime soon, his advice was helpful. He gave us tips like aviring super early and be prepared to be suprised. Many times, they may audition you with hip hop to a contemporary musical or vice versa. It's the same with any type of auditon, they throw random things at you to see how versatile you are and how well you are able to take diretion and change. It's good to have a couple of things under your belt that you can take out when they surprise you.

After learning pirouettes, we put them into a fun little routine. Musical Theater dances are so different from what I'm used to. Its all silly and flowy, unlike hip hop which is mostly isolated movements. Next class, we are learning hip hop. Can't wait.
I

Auditioning

On Saturday I went on a little audition for a summer theater program that I've been interested in. Woah. I felt like I was being interviewed for a job, which I guess, in a way, is what I was doing. When I walked in, the lady shook my hand firmly and asked if I wanted to sit and chat or jump into my two monologues. I told her that I'd rather being my monologues. I really just wanted to get them over with. That was a big mistake. I picked the monologues first because I was nervous. But I should have talked with her first. It would have given me time to relax and compose myself. I would have given her the impression that I can slow down and hold a conversation, instead of being the bubbling fool that I was.
I did my contemporary monologue first, "This is my Monologue" by Parker Posey. It is supposed to be silly and fun. It's a monologue about a girl given a terrible monologue. I forgot a few lines, even though I had them memorized perfectly but went on with my happy self. When I was done, I expected her to be smiling, it was a hilarious piece, but instead, she stared with a bored face and asked me who Libby ( the character given the monologue) was. What? So I told her, she is excited, overly confident and thinks she is given the best monologue ever given. She told me "Well, this girl Libby, is really into this right?". "Yes." "So then make me see that she believes it." Great, so I did it again, this time, Libby wasn't as giddy, she acted like she knew exactly what she was doing. "No!", she stopped me. "You walked right through the bed". I smiled, " Oh yes, Libby is terrible, it says- ". "No, don't listen to the stage directions. Do it again, this time show me Libby sees everything. She takes this serious. This is serious". So I did it again, this time I made sure to show everything with my mime skills. This is the bed. That is the door. I was really raped by my brother. Ehhh. Then she said, "Great"
For the next monologue I played Isabella from Shakespeare's "Measure for Measure". I think I did ok. Not as great as when I was practicing but that is to be expected with nerves. I used everything I learned. And then I committed an actors suicide. I looked at her. It was only for a line, and I quickly averted my gaze, re-focused on the imaginary person I was yelling at and continued as if nothing had happened. When I finished, she said, "Don't look at me". I died. "I know". She told me to do it again. She told me to see the person. What color is his hair? How tall is he? What is he wearing? And so I did. That was probably the best I've ever performed. Then she asked what the play was about. Score! I knew this!
We then sat down to talk. She explained what the program was about, asked about me, my previous experience, and why I want to do this. My answers were professional. I wish I had talked to her more casually, showed her my personality. It seemed as if she hated me. Really. She kept repeating how people audition every year and even after the fourth year don't get in. She must have said it four times. And that they don't select individuals, but a company. I felt as if she was just letting me down easy.
Well, I would do it again. And I will, next year. It was a great experience.